


La Bonita Santa Rosita

by mrua7



Series: Man from U.N.C.L.E. Stories told in Drabbles. [1]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:51:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11400117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrua7/pseuds/mrua7
Summary: Napoleon and Illya encounter some trouble in the Chihuahuan Desert, New Mexico.  A story told in drabbles





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Fanfiction.net in 2012, I was told at the time that I apparently invented this way of telling a story with each chapter a drabble (100 words) Don't know if that's true, but it's a nice feeling, thinking that I invented this.

The crunch of iron-shod wheels on the gravel road grated Solo's nerves. It was so hot that, after a light rain, steaming mist rose from those pebbles.

Illya lay shivering in the back of the cart, the donkey pulling it brayed its protest.

"Tovarisch, hang in."

"Have ch-choice?" Illya croaked.

"Smart aleck."

"Cannot help... full of obscure knowledge. Re-remember?"

The bell of Santa Rosita tolled ominously... a death knell for Illya as poison coursed through his veins?

A nun helped them into the white-washed church, and having a supply; injected anti-venom, taking Illya out of danger.

"Gracias Sister Bonita."

"Por nada señor. He is in God's hands now."

Still Napoleon sat, drinking a warm cerveza, keeping vigil over his sleeping partner.

.

note: Bonita means pretty.


	2. Chapter 2

Two days earlier Solo and Kuryakin drove across the New Mexico desert in the oppressive heat. Napoleon holding a map in his hands as the jeep pulled to a stop.

" _You are not behind the wheel and still you have us lost."_

"Hey these are the directions the Phoenix office gave us."

The Russian harumphed his dissatisfaction as he looked to the sky, then pulled a small compass from his trouser pocket. He pointed to his left. " _We go that way."_

"Fine, wagon ho then, Duke."

' _What?"_

"Never...just drive."

" _We will reach our destination._ "Illya smirked.

"Sometime today, please?"


	3. Chapter 3

After driving for sometime the jeep was again brought to a stop, with the two agents staring out at the northern end of the Chihuahuan Desert.

The mountain ringed valley of the Tularosa Basin rose in the distance. Facing them was the great wave-like and ever changing dunes of white sand that grew, crested, then shifted as the winds took them.

"So, _I_ get us lost huh?" Napoleon jabbed.

Illya remained silent. Much to his chagrin, he'd taken them even more astray. He looked at the map." _We will have to double back."_

"Do you think?" Napoleon snickered happily.


	4. Chapter 4

Illya scrutinized the map, checking his compass again.

"Got it this time, _Vasco da Gama_?

He detested nick names. " _De Gama was a navigator of oceans. At least you could reference someone Russian such as_ _Grigory Shelikhov_ _, Nikolay Rezanov, or_ _Alexander Baranov_ _."_

"Who exactly are they?"

Illya laughed. " _You do not even know your own history, they mapped most of the Alaskan coasts and nearby islands, explored the inner areas of the peninsula, and went as far south as_ _Fort Ross_ _in_ _California_ _._ "

"I didn't know that." Solo shrugged, as his partner put the jeep into gear.


	5. Chapter 5

The warmth of the setting sun fell cold upon their destination, a ghost town not far from an old Union Army fort off the Sante Fe Trail.

They stepped with their weapons drawn into a run down saloon. The worm ridden bar a tell tale sign of what it had once been famous for, "white lightning" and "ladies of the evening."

No doubt a destination for the soldiers, but the town was abandoned when the when the nearby fort closed.

The agents watched carefully, as ghost-like shadows hovered around them in the last rays of light...perhaps the spirits from the town's wild past.


	6. Chapter 6

One of those ominous shadows moved, stepping forward from the back wall, staying just enough out of view to mask his face.

"Y'all are late."

" _We were a little lost_ ," admitted the Russian.

"Well too bad for you." The shadow spoke.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Solo asked.

"Someone else has made a better offer."

" _We will match it_." Illya said.

"Sorry, the deal's already done."

A loud creak came from behind them. " _Look out,_ "Illya shouted as he dove, knocking his partner out of the way. A cloud of dust filled the air as they skidded across the floorboards.


	7. Chapter 7

The bullet narrowly missed Napoleon, and instead found it's mark in the man hidden in the shadows. He dropped forward to the bar, collapsing in a heap behind it. Dead.

Solo rolled, getting off a shot at the retreating figure pushing through the levered bat-wing saloon doors. He rose quickly, offering a hand to his partner, they split up, heading after their quarry through the door and a side window.

A rising full moon cast long shadows in the street as Solo stopped, getting his bearings. His view was filled with grey and black images, and nothing was moving at all.


	8. Chapter 8

Muffled sounds of a Special and a return repeat caught Napoleon's attention, sending him around the corner at full speed.

There on the ground lay a dark figure, blond hair partially bathed in the moonlight."Oh no, Illya?" He knelt beside the body.

" _Oh ye of little faith_ ," the Russian said as he stepped out from the shadows. He tossed a small box in his hand." _Accounting will be happy, we did not have to pay a cent."_

"Leave it to you to think of that," Napoleon smiled, happy his friend was alive.

" _Spend the night here_?"

"No, civilization _._ "


	9. Chapter 9

A string of Russian curses filled the air when Illya saw the tires on the jeep had been slashed.

"Well our friends had to have had transportation?"

" _Most certainly, but I have no desire to wander about in desert terrain searching by moonlight._ " Illya grumbled.

They retrieved a blanket and canteen from their vehicle, then bedded down back on the barroom floor once they had removed the body.

The partners lay side by side in the darkness, listening to the soft hooting of an owl then the yelping of coyotes in the distance, nature lulling them into a guarded sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Napoleon woke near dawn, but Illya was gone. He found him standing outside with his arms crossed leaning against a rickety post staring at the sunrise, the sad notes of a mourning dove calling from the roof above.

" _Beautiful_." The Russian said, admiring vivid yellow that melted into pink, then purple...chasing away the color of the night sky. " _It is a shame we rarely have a chance to admire such scenes."_

"That's because we're usually being shot at."

" _True_ , "Illya smiled lazily." _I could stay here, it is so peaceful_."

"And so hot and dry."

" _Hmm, s _pacibo._ Forgot about that_ _."_


	11. Chapter 11

"No use," groaned an exasperated Solo, "How the hell did those men get here? There's no sign of a car or truck anywhere."

At mid-day they gave up searching, retreating to the cover of the bar to escape the sun. There was a well pump just outside and Illya took a chance, priming it with water from their canteen.

"Not a good idea tovarisch, that's the only water we've got."

" _May be worth a try._ " He gave the handle several pulls and clear water came gushing out."

"How about food, oh miracle worker?"

Illya waved his Special with a smile.


	12. Chapter 12

The fire crackled as they turned the spit, cooking the young mule deer that Kuryakin had bagged. Between that and the fruit of the saguaro and prickly pear cacti, they had themselves a delicious meal.

What they couldn't take with them, the residents of the desert...coyote, mountain lion and other assorted creatures would benefit by it.

"So for someone who doesn't know how to cook, this really is pretty tasty."

" _Napoleon, this is not cooking, it is surviving and that I am good at doing."_

Suddenly there was a noise behind them and turning their heads, they drew their weapons.


	13. Chapter 13

The bray of a donkey made them laugh, more significant was the fact that it was harnessed to a small cart.

"Well I think we found our transportation," Napoleon snickered.

Illya's brow furrowed, thinking it odd that either of the men had traveled to the middle of the desert in such a conveyance, but still, it was better than nothing. They needed transportation.

They gathered up what supplies they had in the jeep, filled the canteen and several empty whiskey bottles then set out to the desert, using the map, compass and noting barrel cacti leaning reliably south towards the sunlight.


	14. Chapter 14

"Are my eyes deceiving me? Is that snow on the ground? It has to be 90 degrees."

The Russian squinted. Was the heat baking his Balkan brain too? Thinking he saw the same thing, but upon closer inspection it was revealed the white spots were plants. " _Dasyochloa pulchella_ ," Illya announced. " _Fluffgrass._ "

"Now how'd you know that?"

" _One merely needs to read. I did before we left for this assignment."_

Solo smiled, imagining the facts crammed into his blond friend's head.

They decided to take turns riding in the cart, not wanting to stress the donkey.


	15. Chapter 15

As the sun set they made camp beneath a cloudless sky. The cart was too small to use, so the warm sand and boulders were their bed.

They built a roaring fire, with the last of the deer meat warmed for their supper. As temperatures dropped, squeezing together under the blanket brought some comfort.

A coyote barked somewhere in the darkness, another answering its call.

There was a serenity that surrounded them. Still both slept with their guns in their hands, dreaming they would find civilization soon.

Their journey across the harsh Chihuahuan desert had just begun.


	16. Chapter 16

Orange-gold spread out over the desert floor as the sun rose on the eastern horizon. A nervous roadrunner stopped nearby, hunting for food then quickly darted away. A moment later a coyote appeared sniffing the air then took off after a quail that fluttered from the brush.

Ravens floated above looking for some carrion as rabbits and kangaroo-rats nibbled at tiny bits of greenery and dry seeds in the soon shortening shade.

Illya woke, throwing more wood on the fire as he shivered. His stomach rumbled but a swig of water silenced it for the moment.

Time to leave.


	17. Chapter 17

Napoleon opened one eye, stretching, groaning from sore muscles, pulling a rock from beneath his back.

"How far do you think we are from civilization?"

" _Estimating the miles we covered yesterday, and by the map and compass, I think we are approximately twenty miles from the town of Santa Rosita."_

"Never heard of it."

" _Neither have I, but nothing is closer that I can see."_

He offered his partner the canteen, cautioning him to drink sparingly.

" _When the water is gone, we will rely on water from cactus for moisture, but we must be careful as some are deadly."_


	18. Chapter 18

The sun brought salt to Napoleon's lips as he watched Illya's pace began to slow, calling for a break, his partner gave his usual refusal saying he was fine.

He was in no mood or had the energy to argue with the Russian, letting him be for the moment, but still keeping a watchful eye on his friend.

The donkey managed well enough, getting moisture from green growth that seemed to survive on the desert floor. But as sturdy a creature as it was, it needed respite from the blazing heat of the sun, as both men finally admitted to themselves.


	19. Chapter 19

They had traveled for hours but the heat of the sun finally became too much to bear. Illya was suffering more, with his fair skin beginning to turn pink.

They sought shelter at a nearby rock formation, and would continue when the sun began to set as the town of Santa Rosita called to them, driving them onwards.

The Russian slowly lowered himself down beside a rock, but by then it was already too late. There was no warning sign, no rattling as the snake lashed out, biting him in the leg.

The only sound was his yelp of pain.


	20. Chapter 20

Napoleon dove into action before the rattler could strike again, killing it with a single shot from his Walther.

Illya lay back grimacing, grabbing his leg as the burning sensation began to travel upwards.

His partner pulled a pocket knife, cutting the skin, trying to suck out as much of the poison as possible, spitting it out with precious saliva.

He lifted Illya from the ground, laying him in the back of the donkey cart, giving him a long sip from the canteen while supporting his blond head.

" _Leave me,_ " he groaned.

"Not a chance buddy boy, not a chance."


	21. Chapter 21

Sister Bonita stopped in to check on the patient. "He will live,"she smiled the fever is gone. You need to get rest yourself Señor."

"No thank you Sister, staying by the bedside is an old tradition." Napoleon yawned, then nodded off watching the steady breathing of his partner.

At dawn, Illya was awake and hungry. That was a good sign.

"Communicators are up tovarisch. We'll be home soon, chopper's on the way."

" _Thank you for not listening to me... leaving me._ "

"No man left behind. The military taught me that, as your did friendship," the American smiled.

.


End file.
